Puppy Love   Concept We usually think of puppy love as young love, first love, or innocent infatuation. What I'm going to talk about today is different; it's about what loving my "puppies" has taught me. OK, they're full grown, but they'll always be puppies to me. I'm a mother of four - not of the human kind, but the furry, four-legged kind. Two cats, two dogs; and my experience of "puppy love" (and "kitty love") has provided great insight into people love. As I tell you about my brood, see if you notice a personal resemblance. Discussion In observing the personalities of my four children, I see common patterns of love behavior, some of which I myself have shown. Stella - the noisy neurotic - The epitome of "scaredy-cat." This is how our interactions go: She says (in loud, undeniable tones), "pet me pet me you must pet me please please please pet me! NOW! MEOW! NOW! MEOW!" Then, I go to reach for her and --- "Uh oh --- here comes the hand --- She's going to get me! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!" Stella exhibits the "Come Here-Go Away" kind of love. Primo - the needy needler - Follows incessantly, won't let go. "What are you doing, where are you going, when will you get there? Don't leave me!! I can't let you out of my site. Something bad might happen! To me! And by the way, don't you want to pet me? Can I come along? I'm coming along. Ho dee hum. I'll just stand here and watch you until you pet me. Pet me, ok? I'm watching. When will you be petting me? Anytime soon? Huh? Huh? Huh???" He's sweet, but always underfoot. His is the Cling-On kind of love. Rover - the arrogant aristocat - I AM the king of the world. I'm marvelous and handsome. Of course you want to pet me! You MUST do everything I say. I'm going to sit in your lap. Do not move for the next hour, I don't care what you had planned to do. And I won't leave until you pet me. I insist. You can feed me too, while you're at it. You are my slave, oops --- I mean my mother, yes? And I AM so handsome, after all." Rover expects and demands love. If he weren't so cute, it might be a problem. Let's call this Entitlement Love. Rudy - the dude dog - Very laid back, so cool he's hot. "Yo! I'm hangin'. I'm over here whenever you're ready to come love on me. I'll look at you really cute so you know how much I love you, but I'm not budging. I need my beauty rest. Maybe I'll move if you talk nice. You can come get some of me if you want, but I'm staying put meantime. Just hangin'. Don't you think I'm adorable?" Rudy's a cutie, but sometimes one wishes he would be more proactive in the relationship. A Lazy Lover, I suppose. As any good mother will say, I love them all. And, there are those who are easier to love than others. The interesting thing is that these types aren't all bad - there are things we can learn from all of them. If you're a Noisy Neurotic, for example, it would help to take some lessons from the Lazy Lover. An Entitlement Lover can learn to make request with a bit of advice from the Cling-On.   Coaching These are just a few examples of how we do, or don't do, "being loved". And while puppy love may be "cute", it's much more fulfilling to have conscious, adult love. To graduate from puppy love to people love, start taking note of behaviors that may be keeping you stuck. Sometimes it's easier to recognize patterns in others than it is in ourselves, so it might be easier to start observing those around you. And as you can see, even our pets can teach us something about love, so watch them too. How easy are you to love? Do you make people work hard to get through? Do you shy away when love comes close? Do you avoid intimacy? Do you demand or beg? Do you give your love freely or does your love come with rules, caveats, or - worse - consequences? Do you hang out and wait for love to come along, feeling groovy in the meantime? Can you receive it when it comes to you, or do you run away? Do you have trouble trusting that love will stay? Does that make you a cling-on? Do you test people to see how much (or if) they really love you? Do you love blindly - ignoring signs of problems until it's too late? Do your claws come out when you're angry, or are you overly tame? Can you see other things people do that interfere with love that comes their way? Once you've begun to identify your behavior patterns, explore why. It helps to identify where you learned to do this. Unless you're aware of them, behaviors are conditioned responses. It takes a conscious effort, but when you actively look and why you do those things you do, you can re-condition yourself with new responses. So, keep observing yourself and look for yourself in others. What works, what doesn't work? The more you know about your love patterns, the more power you have to change them.   Parting Thoughts We all want to be loved. Problem is, many times we resist what we want most. And often we don't even know we're doing that. Going from puppy love (and kitty love, or even kiddie (childish)) love to healthy, human adult love requires self-awareness and a willingness to change. Yes, that takes effort, but you're worth it!